Record Keeping for 2023

Books I read in 2023:

Art and Faith: A Theology of Making, by Makoto Fujimura, 4/5 stars, 184 pages
Culture Care: Reconnecting with Beauty for Our Common Life by Makoto Fujimura, 4/5 stars, 175 pages
Hidden Potential: The Science of Achieving Greater Things Adam Grant, 4/5 stars, 302 pages
How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen, by David Brooks, 4/5 stars, 304 pages
From Strength to Strength: Finding Success, Happiness, and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life, by Arthur C. Brooks, 4/5 stars, 270 pages
Here All Along: Finding Meaning, Spirituality, and a Deeper Connection to Life–in Judaism (After Finally Choosing to Look There), by Sarah Hurwitz, 4/5 stars, 320 pages
Glow in the F*cking Dark: Simple Practices to Heal Your Soul, from Someone Who Learned the Hard Way, by Tara Schuster, 3/5 stars, 320 pages
The Church in an Age of Secular Mysticisms (Ministry in a Secular Age): Why Spiritualities without God Fail to Transform Us, by Andrew Root, 4/5 stars, 288 pages
Mission Is the Shape of Water: Learning From the Past to Inform Our Role in the World Today, by Michael Frost, 4/5 stars, 351 pages
Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World by Cal Newport, 3/5 stars, 302 pages
Killers of the Flower Moon: The Osage Murders and the Birth of the FBI by David Grann, 4/5 stars, 416 pages
The Evangelical Imagination: How Stories, Images, and Metaphors Created a Culture in Crisis by Karen Swallow Prior, 4/5 stars, 298 pages
Poverty, by America, by Matthew Desmond, 4/5 stars, 287 pages
Rebel Talent: Why It Pays to Break the Rules at Work and in Life by Francesca Gino, 3/5 stars, 309 pages
All My Knotted-Up Life: A Memoir by Beth Moore, 3/5 stars, 297 pages
The Gospel of The Hold Steady: How a Resurrection Really Feels by Michael Hann, 4/5 stars, 206 pages
Educated: A Memoir, by Tara Westover, 4/5 stars, 336 pages
Daisy Jones & The Six: A Novel, by Taylor Jenkins Reid, 4/5 stars, 402 pages
The Nordic Theory of Everything: In Search of a Better Life, by Anu Partanen, 3/5 stars, 437 pages
Generations: The Real Differences Between Gen Z, Millennials, Gen X, Boomers, and Silents―and What They Mean for America’s Future, by Jean M. Twenge, 4/5 stars, 550 pages
Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation, by Parker J. Palmer, 4/5 stars, 128 pages
On the Brink of Everything: Grace, Gravity, & Getting Old by Parker J. Palmer, 5/5 stars, 187 pages
Called to Community: The Life Jesus Wants for His People, Arnold Eberhard (editor), 3/5 stars, 378 pages
Evangelical Convictions, 2nd Edition, Greg Strand & Bill Kynes (editors), 4/5 stars, 353 pages
The Creative Act: A Way of Being, by Rick Rubin, 4/5 stars, 418 pages
Soul Boom: Why We Need a Spiritual Revolution, by Rainn Wilson, 3/5 stars, 275 pages
Happy Hour: Etiquette and Advice on Holy Merriment, by Hugh Halter, 4/5 stars, 61 pages
Don’t Hold Back: Leaving Behind the American Gospel to Follow Jesus Fully, by David Platt, 4/5 stars, 208 pages
Unmissable Church, by Richard Sweatman, 3/5 stars, 218 pages
The Children Are Free: Reexamining the Biblical Evidence on Same-sex Relationships, by Jeff Minor, 2/5 stars, 106 pages
Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing, by Matthew Perry, 3/5 stars, 260 pages
Walking with Sam: A Father, a Son, and Five Hundred Miles Across Spain, by Andrew McCarthy, 4/5 stars, 257 pages
The Broken Way: A Daring Path into the Abundant Life, by Ann Voskamp, 4/5 stars, 300 pages
The Thing Beneath the Thing: What’s Hidden Inside, by Steve Carter, 4/5 stars, 224 pages
Metanoia: How God Radically Transforms People, Churches, and Organizations From the Inside Out, by Alan Hirsch, 4/5 stars, 343 pages
A Little Life, by Hanya Yanagihara, 4/5 stars, 737 pages
Now Is Not the Time to Panic, by Kevin Wilson, 3/5 stars, 249 pages
Why Liberalism Failed, by Patrick J. Deneen, 4/5 stars, 249 pages
The Tech-Wise Family: Everyday Steps for Putting Technology in Its Proper Place by Andy Crouch, 3/5 stars, 186 pages
Following Jesus: Biblical Reflections on Discipleship by N.T. Wright, 3/5 stars, 139 pages
Lighter: Let Go of the Past, Connect with the Present, and Expand the Future by Yung Pueblo, 1/5 stars, 279 pages
The Sparrow: A Novel (1 of 2), by Mary Doria Russell, 517 pages
Start Without Me: Essays, by Gary Janetti, 3/5 stars, 192 pages
Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life by Richard Rohr, 4/5 stars, 240 pages
Beautiful People Don’t Just Happen: How God Redeems Regret, Hurt, and Fear in the Making of Better Humans, by Scott Sauls, 2/5 stars, 224 pages
Well, This Is Exhausting: Essays, by Sophia Benoit, 4/5 stars, 319 pages
Holy Disruption: Harnessing the Prophetic to Shape a More Christlike Church by Cath Livesey, 4/5 stars, 317 pages
Fleishman Is in Trouble, by Taffy Brodesser-Akner, 4/5 stars, 381 pages
Righteous Brood: Making the Mission of God A Family Story, by Hugh Halter. 4/5 stars, 165 pages
The Baseball 100, by Joe Posnanski, 5/5 stars, 880 pages
50 books, 15,144 pages

Media I consumed in 2023:

The Morning Show, Season 3, AppleTV+
Asteroid City
Only Murders in the Building, Season 3, Hulu
Welcome to Wrexham, Season 2, FX/Hulu
JFK: One Day in America, Episodes 1-3, National Geographic, Public Broadcast Service
The Bear, Season 2, Hulu
Outer Banks, Season 3, Netflix
Platonic, Season 1, AppleTV+
Shiny Happy People, Duggar Family Documentary, Amazon Prime Video (4 episodes)
Texas Rangers Baseball, MLB.TV
The Big Door Prize, Season 1, AppleTV+
Million Little Things, Season 5, ABC
Normal Gossip Podcast, Season 4
The Marvelous Miss Maisel, Season 5, Amazon Prime
Bono & The Edge: A Sort of Homecoming (with David Letterman), Disney+
Shrinking, Season 1, AppleTV+
Ted Lasso, Season 3, AppleTV+
Succession, Season 4, HBOMax
Rebuilders Podcast, Mark Sayers & team
Hello World (comedy special), Nate Bargatze, Amazon Video
Practicing the Way Podcast, The Practices: Prayer, John Mark Comer
Abbot Elementary, Season 2, ABC
Fleischman is in Trouble, miniseries, Hulu
Alaska Daily, Season 1, ABC
NFL Football, various networks
NHL Hockey, ESPN+ NHL Power Play

Music I Dug in 2023:

Josh Radnor, Eulogy Volume 1
The Rolling Stones, Hackney Diamonds
Lifter Puller, Amazon Playlist
Drive By Truckers, Amazon Playlist
Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers: Playlist, Amazon Music
Pedestrian Verses (10th Anniversary Release), Frightened Rabbit
[Re]Discover the 80s: College Rock playlist, Amazon Music
The Price of Progress, Album, by The Hold Steady

Reflecting on 2023

This is kind of a thing I do every year…try & take a 30,000-foot overview of my year. It helps me focus on what I’d like to work on or move forward with in the coming year. Feel free to take these questions for yourself if you think they might help!

How did I do in 2023 physically (how were my exercise/eating/sleeping/etc. habits this year)? What about intellectually (what did I watch/read/listen to, etc. & what did they do for my mind/heart this year)? How about emotionally (what were the ups & downs I experienced and how did I handle them)?

As far as my physical rhythms go, I’m usually consistent year over year. I joined a gym and my app says that in that time I averaged 18 workouts per month…that nearly 4x per week so I’m comfy with that. I am 10 pounds heavier since moving to Iowa, which I attribute that to no 14,000-foot mountains to climb and Midwestern hospitality which involves people baking the most delicious desserts you can imagine.

Intellectually, I read 50 books totaling over 15K pages, binge-watched several series, listened to podcasts and watched some sports. A few highlights:

• Especially enjoyable fiction I read: The Sparrow, by Mary Doria Russell & A Little Life, by Hanya Yanagihara.
• Especially enjoyable non-fiction I read: The Baseball 100 by Joe Posnanski, Here All Along: Finding Meaning, Spirituality, and a Deeper Connection to Life–in Judaism (After Finally Choosing to Look There), by Sarah Hurwitz & Walking with Sam: A Father, a Son, and Five Hundred Miles Across Spain, by Andrew McCarthy.
• Especially personally insightful books I read: From Strength to Strength: Finding Success, Happiness, and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life, by Arthur C. Brooks, On the Brink of Everything: Grace, Gravity, & Getting Old by Parker J. Palmer & Hidden Potential: The Science of Achieving Greater Things, by Adam Grant.
• Especially helpful books for my profession: Culture Care: Reconnecting with Beauty for Our Common Life by Makoto Fujimura, The Evangelical Imagination: How Stories, Images, and Metaphors Created a Culture in Crisis by Karen Swallow Prior & The Church in an Age of Secular Mysticisms (Ministry in a Secular Age): Why Spiritualities without God Fail to Transform Us, by Andrew Root.
• Especially enjoyable TV I watched: Ted Lasso (Season 3), The Bear (Season 2), Succession (Season 4) & The Marvelous Miss Maisel (Season 5)
• Especially enjoyable movies/specials I watched: Asteroid City (movie by Wes Anderson) and “Hello, World” (Comedy special featuring Nate Bargatze)
• Especially enjoyable podcasts I listened to: Normal Gossip (featuring Kid1 Kelsey McKinney), Practicing the Way (featuring John Mark Comer) & Rebuilders (featuring Mark Sayers)
• Especially enjoyable albums I listened to: The Price of Progress (by The Hold Steady) & Eulogy, Volume 1 (by Josh Radnor).
• Especially enjoyable sports moment: The Texas Rangers winning the World Series. I can’t imagine anything ever topping that.

Emotionally, it started off poorly. The first 3 months of 2023 involved so much transition. There were a lot of negative emotions to fight through regarding my previous church and the additional strain of moving to a new town. It was wearing on us as a couple. We’d just done that same thing two years before and Tracy was starting to make inroads in an art community there. Things leveled off quite nicely, though. We were able to settle into our new hometown/state thanks to a welcoming church family, hospitable owners & managers of local establishments we frequent and a wonderfully surprising art community. College towns are sorely underrated, IMO.

Spiritually, well, I’m a big believer in maintaining those rhythms. I’m very consistent with them…even in “dry” seasons. Where I feel like I’ve grown a lot is in the area of listening prayer. And, in 2023, I grew in my appreciation of “praying with the saints” (in real people terms, that means reciting written prayers from believers long ago). So, prayer will be a continued emphasis for me. It’s my weaker rhythm, if I’m honest. Scripture reading/study is the easy one for me. More silence & solitude would be nice this year.

Where did I see God “show up” in 2023? When did God seem distant?

We certainly saw God “show up” by bringing us to a church family that is healthy in so many ways. It’s been through some unique transitions coming out of COVID and some transitions every church goes through in some leadership/staff transitions…but they seem to roll with them in healthy ways. We came here because we truly felt like God was going to do something really cool through Christ Community Church and so far, I’ve been nothing but encouraged that He is and I can’t wait to be a part of it.

He also “showed up” in providing Tracy with some artistic explorations into new areas and a vibrant art community here in Ames.

The times He felt distant were in the questioning we had at the end of last year as to the particulars of my previous church family letting us go. Those particulars are not for public discussion, but I’m okay telling you there was a lot of hurt involved. It’s not my first rodeo. I mean, rarely are church exits “clean.” But I’ve been through some stuff in this regard three times now…so much so that I was seriously considering bartending or going back to teaching school. That distance was felt especially in the questions of where to go and what to do.

What were you thankful for in 2023?

Obviously, that distant feeling was a very short season. We wound up finding a church family that seems to be a perfect meshing of what I do well and what they wanted me to do, as well as–as the search specialist told the church staff–“He’s quirky…but you guys seem to do quirky pretty well.” They’ve embraced me in all that makes me “me” and made me & Tracy feel so welcome and at home in a short period of time. There aren’t enough words to say how thankful I am to be a part of this church family–especially coming out of previous situations.

I’m thankful we got to visit our kids & extended family in the interim between my previous role and the new one. We spent three weeks seeing friends & family in Dallas, Birmingham, Morganton (North Carolina) for a long weekend, and Philadelphia. We hadn’t spent a lot of time in person with them since COVID let up so it was nice to have that time.

A perfect rental home for us. After 6 years of loft/apartment living, it’s nice to have some space in a duplex with a little yard where we can let the pups roam instead of planned walks. Everywhere in the Midwest has a basement, and this one is perfect for Tracy to have a studio. It’s way more space than we need or want, but we are really happy with the space. We’re equally happy with the neighborhood. We live in Campus Town here in Ames…which is tree-lined, big-sidewalk mix of long-term residents and college kids. So fun.

I’m thankful for a wife that puts up with me & my career situations. When we had to leave Dallas & the best friends we’d had in our adult life, she smiles and packs and embraces the adventure. When we had to leave the most beautiful geography we’d ever lived in just as she was making artistic inroads to move 700 miles away to a state we’d never even been to before interviewing, well, she smiles and packs up and embraces the adventure. Not every guy has that. And I’m thankful for it.

I’m thankful for my daughters. My world is better with them in it. And watching them as adults who have stepped into who they are & what they are about is wonderful. I do wish I could spend more time with them…but life happens.

What am I looking forward to in 2024? What is creating uneasiness about 2024 for me?

I’m looking forward to the next steps professionally. In the few short months since I’ve been here, I’ve been able to do some behind-the-scenes work of laying a foundation to implement the discipleship pathway the church family had in place long before I got here. I’m looking forward to adding a little bit more this year that will become “visible” to us all. It’s nice to be part of a professional environment that allows me to do what I do best, surround me with people who are strong where I’m weak, and allows for slow & steady progress to get that done rather than deadlines & “measurables delivered.” I’m excited to see what He does in and through me professionally.

I’m looking forward to seeing Tracy’s artistic pursuits grow. She’s already been experimenting with other mediums and getting to know other artists here in town. I’m excited to see that.

I’m looking forward to us making new friends. One of the drawbacks to the new place is that it’s a normal neighborhood & you don’t have the forced interactions/common spaces apartments complexes provide. Sure, friends among co-workers and church people are a bit easier…but we like to have a diverse friend group that sharpens and provokes us, too. It’ll be cool to see how that plays out.

As far as creating uneasiness, that’s easy. I have some writing projects–one based on my dissertation, and one based on a real need I see in our churches–that are as terrifying as they are exciting. I’ve put them off long enough. I’ve said I’m going to get after them before, too. So, it creates uneasiness when I think of actually doing it. I’m also working on a project with a new acquaintance at church. I’m helping him with a small group curriculum and I’m hoping we can get that going sooner rather than later, too.

It’s kind of the same for my work at the church, too. I’m not exactly sure when and how things are going to develop. I like it when the path is more illuminated rather than a suggested direction & seeing how the plan unfolds. This feels a lot more open-handed to me…and for a person who likes to feel in control of things, this certainly is a fun new world.

What practical additions or subtractions to my life do I feel God wanted me to implement so I can draw closer to Him in the coming year?

I feel like this year, I need to subtract two major time-sucks for me. The first is reading newspapers. To be sure, it’s good to be informed…and I do think through them as best I can from an eternal perspective and yes, they do prompt me to pray for folks. They’re not BAD, per se, but I subscribe to three of them and spend 5-7 hours per week going over them. One solution I saw was to scan the daily stuff…like read a headline and the first two/last two paragraphs to get the gist of it & then put longer articles into a folder and read them at a set time during the week. I’ll try to figure out a better balance there.

The second things is social media scrolling. It’s gotten to be too much. Instead of just being bored and seeing where my mind goes or when commercials come on I just instinctively pick up the phone and see what’s going on via X, Facebook or Instagram. I’m thinking I may just take those apps off my phone and then only deal with social media on computer. Maybe putting a time limit on it or something. I’ll have to figure that out.

I’ll also want to be more proactive in diet. My weight has stayed close to the same even though working out has been pretty consistent. I know the last 10 pounds are the hardest, so I’ll do some research and figure out how to lose them even though middle age has struck with a vengeance in this regard. The metabolism ain’t what it used to be…even compared to three or four years ago.

I also feel like I might need to cut down on reading of books. I read a LOT to just escape or because I’m bored. Rather than dive into books for no reason, maybe I should channel that energy into writing books.

Any last thoughts?

The only real ones are that Tracy and I should be more intentional about taking advantage of all the cool things there are to do in Ames and/or Des Moines. We’ve done a few things like ball games and concerts and art things, but it’s becoming all too commonplace for us to just crash on the couch when we’re done with the workday rather than do the thing we planned to do. Overall, we’ve been good about it, but there’s still a LOT we’ve left undone just because we get in a lazy rut.

Overall, I feel like 2023 was a year of transition and settling in. I feel like 2024 is going to be a year of minor adjustments here and there as this time & place become more normal for us. Bring THAT on, man. I’ve had enough transition in the last 3 years to last a lifetime.

Being Essentially Me, Part 5 (and final entry for this series): Lightning Round

Okay, so I read this article in the New York Times on October 20 that talked about the essentials of being human. The gist of it is that we need to develop relationships with others–meaningful, not surface level–by paying attention to them. One of the ways we can do that is to spark conversations with others to get to know them, and within this article there were several. I thought it might be fun for some of you (since I moved to a new town/church family 7 months ago) to get to know me a little bit by answering some of them here on the good ol’ blog.

Today will be a “lightning round” of the remaining questions because I’m not sure the answers to these questions are enough for their own entry…so, here goes as I finish up this little series.

Can you be yourself where you are and still fit in?

I should probably start by saying that I’m very comfortable in my own skin. My therapist told me that I was almost too comfortable in my own skin. See, when my dad died when I was about 13, I was kind of by myself a good deal. My mom had to go back to work and also back to grad school so I’d come home from school, chat with my mom for a few minutes and off she’d go. I knew what I liked and got to do it. I loved to read. Listen to music. I could ride a bike to hit baseballs in a batting cage a few blocks away.

My college years allowed me the space to get away from the expectations others placed on me that didn’t fit me. I wasn’t good at engineering or accounting and I took one business class and dropped it since I couldn’t see myself doing anything they were talking about for the next 50 years. And I could explore all the things I really liked learning. Religion. Philosophy. Psychology. English. High school guys in Alabama in the 80s weren’t really rewarded for those pursuits.

So, combine the reality that I am wildly comfortable being by myself and have a solid knowledge of who I am and what I’m about…well, I am pretty much myself. Maybe never as much as I am these days.

The question of whether or not I can fit in is, frankly, irrelevant. I’ve never cared much about fitting in. It didn’t take much past my sophomore year of high school to realize that the music I liked no one else really liked (although now everybody seems to have been punk, but I didn’t see them when I was one). The movies I liked no one else was into (indie films rule, and I’ve never been into comic book characters or Star Wars or whatever). Even the sports I like tend to be off the beaten path…but if you want to hit up a baseball or hockey game, I’m there with ya.

I used to spend a great deal of time wondering how come the way I saw things around me one way when no one else seemed to, well, I’ve pretty much been on the fringe of any organization I’ve been involved with. So, I really don’t fit in anywhere…

…but what I will say is that I’ve usually been in organizations that allowed me to be fully myself and accepted me for that even if I didn’t “fit in.” In fact, the recruiter that recommended me for my current role as pastor told them that I was kind of quirky, but that this church seemed to love quirky people.

So, yes. I can be myself (I did give them fair warning…I was wildly authentic in the job interview process). And, I’m not sure if I fit in. But they seem to care about me and accept me, so maybe I do.

What would you do if you weren’t afraid?

This one is easy: commit to writing the book on youth ministry about 1,000 people have told me to write. Stephen King said you have to be courageous to approach a blank page and start writing. I’m apparently in my Cowardly Lion phase in that regard.

“What have you said yes to that you no longer really believe in?”

Oh, man. There’s a lot of things I could answer here, but one significant one is the funding and practice of mission work. We were well intentioned in doing a lot of the work we did. And we did do helpful work. And yes, there are some immeasurable wonderful (think about the young people who had their eyes opened to need in the world, or the kid who went into full-time mission work, or students who encouraged an entire church body to roll their sleeves up, etc.) intangibles from the mission trips our youth group took to Mexico and Haiti and Holland and Ireland and all that. At the time I really believed in the mission, practice and outcomes of those trips. I really, really did.

But plenty of books have been written about the unintended negative consequences of these kinds of trips on the local economies and such that I don’t think I’d do them anymore. And I know for a fact the way we fund folks going into full-time ministry isn’t sustainable. There are much more authentic & creative ways to “send.” So, yeah. That’s what I don’t really buy into anymore. There’s a few others, too. But this is a big one.

“What is the no, or refusal, you keep postponing?”

See above: the book I’m supposed to write.

“What is the gift you currently hold in exile?,” meaning, what talent are you not using?

Again…the writing. And I’m not doing as much adjunct teaching for seminaries as I probably should.

“How do your ancestors show up in your life?”

From my maternal grandfather, I know I got the love of a rhythm of life. That man shined his shoes every Saturday. Washed his cars, too. And his desire to spend time with his family. And he loved the morning paper. I don’t shine shoes or wash cars, but I love rhythm like he did. From my paternal grandparents I got the love of the little things: a loud, happy family at Christmas, a coca-cola in the small bottles while in a rocking chair on the porch, or teaching kids to waterski.

Oh, man. I have my dad’s demeanor when it comes to outward displays of emotion. And his laugh. And blue-collar sensibilities and somewhat his athletic ability. I have my mom’s ability to be socially aware & gracious. And her bent toward being a teacher. I’m such a combination of both of them.

But, if I’m honest, they show up in the ways where I’m different. As I said earlier, for me, I was always on the fringe. Feeling like I was an observer in the things going on around me…even in my own family. My dad loved to hunt and fish. I liked music & poetry. My parents seemed to relish living and being in Alabama. I always felt like there was more to see and do…and maybe even be. They seemed to nod at religious involvement and engagement as something good people do, but it always seemed to me to be an all-or-nothing decision in that if it’s real it should be life-defining…but if it isn’t real, why bother? They loved weekends at the family cabin on the river. I preferred sporting events or concerts in the city. In some ways, they show up more in the differences than the similarities.

But my dad loved Johnny Cash. And Auburn. And whiskey. And his kids. And his wife. So maybe we’re more alike than I knew…

Being Essentially Me, Part 4

Okay, so I read this article in the New York Times on October 20 that talked about the essentials of being human. The gist of it is that we need to develop relationships with others–meaningful, not surface level–by paying attention to them. One of the ways we can do that is to spark conversations with others to get to know them, and within this article there were several. I thought it might be fun for some of you (since I moved to a new town/church family 7 months ago) to get to know me a little bit by answering some of them here on the good ol’ blog.

Today’s Question: If the next five years is a chapter in your life, what is the chapter about?

I was in a bad way in 2011. Things were sideways in a ministry I’d served for 15 years. It was taking a toll on my family. It was taking a toll on me. I was going through a lot spiritually & emotionally and also physically. I was stress-eating and had stopped working out for about six months. I was fifty pounds heavier than I’d ever been in my life.

Read that again.

FIFTY. POUNDS.

Two things coincided that got me off the couch: First, my annual physical where my doctor-of-12-years warned me that whatever the numbers mean (I never remember good or bad for HDL or LDL or anything else doctors tell me) about my bloodwork they most certainly indicated I was a candidate for a heart-attack. I most definitely did not want one of those.

Second, I was reading a book by Donald Miller called A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. Basically, the author wanted to be telling a better story for his life rather than the one he was living. If I remember correctly he was eating a lot of ice cream and getting excited about buying a Roomba robotic vacuum.

That book got me motivated to start finding out what better story I wanted to be telling with my life. I took a job in a church not far from where we were already living. I started getting in physical shape, slowly but surely, anyway. I decided I’d go back to school and work on my doctorate, too.

One of the classes I took early-on–that Tracy took with me–involved a lot of assessments and personal counseling and life-coaching. They describe it this way: “LEAD is a five-day intensive transformational experience that looks at a leader’s life, work, and calling from four different vantage points: Personal and Family, Giftedness, Ministry, and Life Dream. The process culminates in a personalized Game Plan that lays out “next-steps” for the leader to take in the aftermath of LEAD.”

Well, that “personalized Game Plan” caused Tracy and I to open ourselves up to whatever God had for us. We sold everything, moved downtown to a loft with the best view of Dallas ever, and decided we’d be open to whatever God had next for us.

Here’s the view, just in case you wanted to see it:

What God had next for us included…

…making the best friends we’ve ever had in our married life…becoming an adjunct professor at DTS…being involved in cohort-style doctoral courses with people I’m deeply grateful for (encouraged and sharpened me spiritually as we all became doctors!)…becoming a high school teacher (and baseball coach) of AP Literature and a course on how to think critically for yourself (and getting to spend 3 years with one class and two years in another–I still keep in touch with those muppets)…watching Tracy become who she’s supposed to become as a person…

He was writing a better story for my life.

COVID hit. Teaching become wildly unrewarding for a teacher like me who thrived on interpersonal relationships with students. No full-time job at DTS awaited me. The next step of the better story became apparent: a job to become a pastor again for a church in Colorado.

We made some good friends there. Actually, some great friends. We LOVED the lifestyle of Colorado (I had a hobby of climbing 14,000 foot mountains. Did some good work for a church there but things didn’t work out like I hoped they would, but hey, God’s writing the story, right? Here’s what it looks like from the tallest mountain in Colorado, in case you wanted to see it:

So, following the spirit of the question, what chapter will be written in the next five years?

Well, in many ways, it’s a version of the same story He’s been writing: God leads, we follow, we trust Him and keep doing the next thing.

He lead us to Ames, Iowa…

…and we’ve already been lovingly accepted by the church family at Christ Community Church (who, for some reason, seem to be drawn to my weird quirks–or at least joyfully put up with them)…this college town has quickly endeared itself to us…Tracy is finding her place in a vibrant art community and exploring new outlets for her creativity…my role here at CCC fits me to a “T” and I’m having so much fun in the job…and the staff is fun to work with and watch as they use their gifts and talents…and the hospitality of the Midwest leads us to believe we’ll find great friends here, too. Oh, and sunsets here are pretty cool, too:

So, the next five years?

Hopefully here. Doing cool things with cool people. And watching Him write chapters for other folks as He writes better stories for THEIR lives as I work with this team to make space for our church family to be open to what He’s writing…

…and I can’t wait to see what they are.

For myself.

And for them.

Being Essentially Me, Part 3

Okay, so I read this article in the New York Times on October 20 that talked about the essentials of being human. The gist of it is that we need to develop relationships with others–meaningful, not surface level–by paying attention to them. One of the ways we can do that is to spark conversations with others to get to know them, and within this article there were several. I thought it might be fun for some of you (since I moved to a new town/church family 7 months ago) to get to know me a little bit by answering some of them here on the good ol’ blog.

Today’s Question: What’s Your Favorite Unimportant Thing About You?

I once heard a quote about screenplays saying some like, “Movies are stories about life with all the boring parts cut out.” You know. You never see someone in a movie standing in line for 10 minutes for the ATM. Or having to wait two hours for the tow truck after their car broke down. Or paying bills on line. That kind of thing.

And the most unimportant thing about me is that I kind of enjoy those boring parts. At the very least, I think that there is something interesting about even the most mundane experiences. Here are a bunch of examples.

I love napping.

I love reading a good book.

I love falling asleep while reading a good book.

I enjoy walking in the neighborhood (especially when the leaves crunch under my feet–so this Fall I’m taking two walks a day with them).

I like watching my wife. Doesn’t matter when or where. She could be sketching something. She could be doing chores. She could be laughing at Reels on her phone. She could be chatting with friends. I just like looking at her.

I like spoiling my dogs and how they’ll love a good belly rub or fall asleep and snore really loudly.

I like seeing teenagers drive around with window down and the music up.

I love hearing rain on the roof.

I like the sound of people around a table over a meal and laughing hysterically.

I could go on and on with this.

But you get my point. It’s kind of unimportant stuff. But I really do think the best unimportant thing about me is that I enjoy the little things. And there are a lot of little things that happen during the course of a day that I tend to see the small beauty of them.

In fact, author Kurt Vonnegut once said, “When things are going sweetly and peacefully, please pause a moment, and then say out loud, “If this isn’t nice, what is?” And, I’ve done that more times than I can count.

So, what’s your favorite uninteresting thing about you?

Being Essentially Me, Part 2

Okay, so I read this article in the New York Times on October 20 that talked about the essentials of being human. The gist of it is that we need to develop relationships with others–meaningful, not surface level–by paying attention to them. One of the ways we can do that is to spark conversations with others to get to know them, and within this article there were several. I thought it might be fun for some of you (since I moved to a new town/church family 7 months ago) to get to know me a little bit by answering some of them here on the good ol’ blog.

Today’s Question: What crossroads are you at?

To be honest, I don’t feel like I’m at any crossroads. Lemme explain.

I *was* at a crossroads during COVID back in 2020. See, I was defending my dissertation and I was excited about the possibility of becoming a full-time seminary professor & doing that with lot of people I liked & thought it would be fun to work with.

The crossroads at that time: I was working my way through seminary as a full-time teacher at an inner city high school in Dallas. I spent my days teaching high school seniors HOW TO THINK. That’s right. It was the hub course for students to get their International Baccalaureate diploma (akin to getting advanced placement college credit but in every subject). I also taught remedial English students. Significant increases in getting the number of students attaining the IB Diploma and students moving into their regular English courses ensued. In short, I was pretty good in that role, and our high school was named among the best public schools in the U.S. by US News and World Report.

The question of staying in a job I was good at (and adored my students) with talented faculty or having influence in how student ministry was being taught at the seminary level was my choice…and the seminary door closed. And teaching on Zoom during COVID was less than enjoyable.

An opportunity to serve a church in Colorado to help them was a desirable option that came about and we took that job. When things didn’t work out there (for a number of reasons, all nuanced) I was faced with another crossroad:

Did I want to be a senior pastor or serve in a more behind-the-scenes role? So, in early 2023 I had both options on the table.

The opportunity to be a part of a healthy church family, with a fun staff that would allow me to do what I’m really excited about (creating environments where people who choose to grow as a disciple of Jesus can take their next steps in knowing their God, themselves and their situation) that has a built-in network where–if we can show we can do this effectively–we can serve other churches who want to do that–

–and, in case you weren’t aware, the Big C church isn’t doing very well at doing that. Sure, they can attract crowds, but there is MUCH work to do to grow people in their faith–

–and you can peruse the numerous ways I can back that up statistically and anecdotally if you want–

seemed like too good an opportunity to pass up.

And in the short 7 months we’ve been here, I’ve become smitten with the college town we live in and the people that comprise my new church family. Tracy is finding her artistic niche and exploring new opportunities, too. I wasn’t looking for a job. I can get one of those. I’m still a licensed educator and if need be I happen to hold a bartending license. I was looking for a place where I could use my gifting and abilities to help our family grow in their faith and that family would do the same for me. Thankfully, I seem t have found it.

So, I’m not at a crossroads at this moment. In fact, it’s been a while since I’ve felt so settled.

Being Essentially Me, Part 1

Okay, so I read this article in the New York Times today that talked about the essentials of being human. The gist of it is that we need to develop relationships with others–meaningful, not surface level–by paying attention to them. One of the ways we can do that is to spark conversations with others to get to know them, and within this article there were several. I thought it might be fun for some of you (since I moved to a new town/church family 7 months ago) to get to know me a little bit by answering some of them here on the good ol’ blog.

Today’s Question: If you died today, what would you regret not doing?

Three come pretty quickly to mind.

First, I’d regret not walking the full Camino de Santiago, French route. For those unfamiliar with the idea, it’s a 1,000-year-old route walking across all of Spain in order to connect with God…or find answers to deep questions…or just enjoy nature, etc. I’m drawn to silence/solitude, and I think it’d be the trip of a lifetime. You can do it on the cheap, too, by staying in cathedrals along the way that provide a cot/shower/breakfast. It takes about 30-35 days & you walk about 15 miles per day. I’d most definitely want to walk the Rioja wine region with my sister Jill for a couple of days, maybe time it where I could run with the bulls in Pamplona. It’d be cool to finish the full walk with Tracy maybe take the honeymoon we never had on the coast in Finesterre.

Second, I’d like to hike with my youngest daughter to Machu Picchu. this one is a three or four day hike. Sure, you could take the train and to the thing in an afternoon. I much prefer the idea of time & space to connect with folks…and I’m also drawn to some sort of goal rather than just an aimless wandering. Besides, I’ve seen pretty much all the world I want to see except I’ve never been to South America (or Australia) and this would be the best way to do it for me.

Finally, I’d like to spend a summer driving around the country and trying to see one game in every active Major League Baseball stadium. It’d be really cool to do part of that with my baseball-loving oldest daughter (when I mentioned the idea to her she felt like maybe spending three months in a car together wasn’t the best idea & to do it in 10 or 12 3-day bursts) and I’d want to do it on the cheap, too. Couch surfing in each city with friends I know…take in the sites. I’ve been all over the world but there are so many places in the U.S. that I haven’t seen.

So, as you can tell, I’m kind of drawn to quest kinds of things on my “bucket list.” I mean, it would explain why I loved to climb 14,000-foot mountains in Colorado because it was a quest you could do and still be home for dinner. But those would be three things I’d want to do before my time here is done.

What are yours?

Year-End Reflections, 2022.

I like to take a 30,000-foot view of my years and have done several “styles.” I went back to an older set of questions for this year…so here we go:

How did I do in 2022 physically (how were my exercise/eating/sleeping/etc. habits this year)? What about intellectually (what did I watch/read/listen to, etc. & what did they do for my mind/heart this year)? How about emotionally (what were the ups & downs I experienced and how did I handle them)?

The exercise and eating and sleeping is actually pretty easy. About 5 years ago I began to focus on rhythms and tied my spiritual rhythms to my physical ones. Generally speaking I get 7 hours of sleep per night, eat relatively well and put in about 6 miles on the treadmill per day. That’s maybe an area I’ll work on since I gained about 7 pounds this year–too much cardio & not enough weight training.

Intellectually, well, you can see the books I read and shows I watched in my previous entry. My favorite book about the spiritual life (the kind I can recommend for everyone–not the geeky academic stuff that I truly love, so for that genre it’s anything by Andrew Root) was The Eternal Current: How a Practice-Based Faith Can Save Us from Drowning by Aaron Niequist. My favorite more general read was Watergate: A New History by Garrett M. Graff. My favorite fiction was Cult Classic: A Novel, by Sloane Crosley (the last line of that literally took my breath away). Best TV show I watched was Severance and/or Abbott Elementary.

Emotionally, things were pretty balanced. Sure, getting laid off from a job I liked made me sad but I feel like I handled that pretty well. It’s nothing I haven’t seen in a lifetime of ministry. But having discovered hiking in Colorado, well, let’s just say the entire mountain vibe is therapeutic. Even when times were tough, clearing my head on a 14er or even a day hike…and not to mention a LOT of help from my therapist (shout out to Alex)…helped me to stay on an even keel. The highs far outweighed the lows and I enjoyed those highs and dealt with the lows in a healthier way than usual.

Where did I see God “show up” in 2022? When did God seem distant?

God really answered some questions for me professionally this year. There was some disappointment tied into that, but He really showed me in a clear way that I’m on the fuzzy front end (that’s a phrase Steve Jobs called the place between what you know isn’t going to be a part of your life anymore and what will be a part of your life in the future) of the next step of me being me. The word for my 2023 is “reconstruct.” I’m sure there’ll be more on that later.

He showed up most in some really genuine close friendships (shout out to the guys in my Huddle!). I felt like whenever I was on the ropes, He used these Spirit-led guys to keep me focused on seeking Him more fully. Our weekly accountability meetings were lifesavers. He also showed up in the encouragement of people in my classes at church and through the staff there. It seemed like during some difficult times certain people in my classes would call or text with some encouraging words or someone on staff would as well. So, I guess He showed up most through His people.

There are some longer-term prayer requests that still haven’t been answered clearly…some I can’t talk about in this public forum. But I can’t say there was a significant times where He seemed distant. More like being confused about what He is up to…but not distant, really.

What were you thankful for in 2022?

I’m thankful for my wife and celebrating 34 years together. She’s been through so much with my profession and we really had a lot of fun together exploring our city and making friends here and checking out Colorado and all it has to offer. She’s really insightful into me and so helpful with all the ups and downs. I’m no day at the beach but she gets me.

Also thankful I got to visit the kids in their new home. I don’t get to see my girls enough, that’s for sure, and I enjoy every time I do more and more.

The really good friends I mentioned earlier. So thankful for them.

Also thankful for the old friends of over 25 years who know me best and are still there when I need them.

I’m thankful for the time I had at Foundations. Also kind of bummed I won’t get to see the cool things in their future.

So thankful for everything Colorado has to offer by way a creative beauty. I got to see the views from 7 14,000 foot peaks this summer…and they don’t suck. The alpine lake hikes. The mountains in the distance. I truly don’t ever get tired of them. I’ll miss that for sure.

Thankful I got to reconnect with old friends and now that looks like we’ll be committed to making that happen at least annually. These guys were in my wedding and life got in the way until we decided to force room for it. Spent two long weekends reconnecting and I’m so thankful. I didn’t realize how much I missed that bunch.

Thankful I got to reconnect with family…not all of them and it’s been a while since COVID and our move during it that kept us apart from folks we love. But the ones I got to see was so good for me.

I lead a charmed life. I truly do. So much to be thankful for, that’s for sure.

What am I looking forward to in 2023? What is creating uneasiness about 2023 for me?

I’m looking forward to seeing what God wants for me professionally. There are a couple of exciting options at this point in the job search and some things that are different/stretching/challenging than what I’ve been doing. I’m looking forward to a new city. A new kind of work. A new adventure with Tracy. When you think about all the little details behind all of those things, well, that’s really A LOT but I’m really looking forward to all of them: The new friends, the new chances to use my gifts/talents/passion, the new skills (I’m taking some classes outside of my professional realm, which is cool).

I’m a bit uneasy about those very things, too. An unfamiliar place when I was just starting to get really comfy (what did Stephen King say? A place becomes home when you know where all the roads go? Yeah. We just kind of got there). All the insecurities of meeting new people and taking on new challenges. What if you’re not any good at the new stuff you’re learning? Will we adjust well to the new job & surroundings?

What practical additions or subtractions to my life do I feel God wanted me to implement so I can draw closer to Him in the coming year?

Like I said before, I need to focus on a more well-rounded workout routine including weightlifting and stretching. I want to see all the family I haven’t seen since COVID for some extended time. I need to add writing the book (my Huddle guys are starting to push me on this so I need to get serious about it) based on my dissertation with the great title. I need to add some things my counselor suggested about “unflattening” my emotions, cutting myself some slack (I’m a harsh critic of my lack of perfection…imagine that) and adding more “play” in my life through hobbies I enjoy. I need to be intentional about making new & meaningful friendships in our new home. I need to be more present instead of always wondering what’s next.

I need to subtract idle screen time. Reading INSTEAD OF WRITING or as an emotional escape (yes, I have a reading problem). I need to subtract some superfluous purchases (of books, dumb TV platform subscriptions we never use, etc.)

Any last thoughts?

Yeah. I’ve been asking Him about a word/phrase/verse for the year. I’m pretty confident as the word that small still voice is “reconstruct.” Not in the sense it’s being used a lot lately from the deconstruction camp of my Tribe. This is more the reconstruction of me. Professionally in one sense. Continuing to move toward emotional health. Continuing to grow in love for God. Continuing to build on my love for my neighbor. Continuing to grow in my understanding of who I am and what I’m about. I want to reconstruct the particulars of what I feel like is a solid foundation. Sure, some of this has been going on sense I started my doctoral work 6 years ago…but this seems different. Becoming convinced of who I am and what I’m about as I begin the last third of my life & ministry. Kind of cool, dontcha think?

Record Keeping for 2022

Books I read in 2022 (58):

Theology for the Community of God, by Stanley J. Grenz, 5/5 stars
Work Won’t Love You Back: How Devotion to Our Jobs Keeps Us Exploited, Exhausted, and Alone, by Sarah Jaffe, 3/5 stars
Had I Known (Essays) by Barbara Ehrenreich, 3/5 stars
With: Reimagining the Way You Relate to God by Skye Jethani, 3/5 stars
Utopia for Realists: How We Can Build the Ideal World by Rutger Bregman, 5/5 stars
What if Jesus Was Serious … About Prayer?: A Visual Guide to the Spiritual Practice Most of Us Get Wrong by Skye Jethani, 4/5 stars
Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other, by Sherry Turkle, 4/5 stars
Foreverland: On the Divine Tedium of Marriage, by Heather Havrilesky, 4/5 stars Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times, by Katherine May, 3/5 stars
Churches and the Crisis of Decline: A Hopeful, Practical Ecclesiology for a Secular Age, by Andrew Root, 5/5 stars
How Democracies Die: What History Reveals About Our Future, by Stephen Livitsky, 4/5 stars
The Tender Bar: A Memoir by J.R. Moehringer, 3/5 stars
Red Skies: 10 Essential Conversations Exploring Our Future as the Church, by Rowland L. Smith (ed.), 4/5 stars
The Nineties, by Chuck Klosterman, 4/5 stars
The Other Half of Church: Christian Community, Brain Science, and Overcoming Spiritual Stagnation by Michel Hendricks, 2/5 stars
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, by Susan Cain, 4/5 stars
The Shallows: What the Internet Is Doing to Our Brains, by Nicholas Carr, 3/5 stars
I Came All This Way to Meet You: Writing Myself Home, by Jamie Attenberg, 3/5 stars
A Non-Anxious Presence: How a Changing and Complex World will Create a Remnant of Renewed Christian Leaders, by Mark Sayers, 5/5 stars
Replenish: Leading from a Healthy Soul, by Lance Witt, 3/5 stars
On Earth As It Is In Heaven: Daily Wisdom for 21st Century Christians, by N.T. Wright, 4/5 stars
Managing Expectations: A Memoir in Essays, by Minnie Driver, 4/5 stars
MetaChurch: How to Use Digital Ministry to Reach People and Make Disciples by Dave Adamson, 5/5 stars
Amusing Ourselves to Death: Public Discourse in the Age of Show Business by Neil Postman, 4/5 starts
The Eternal Current: How a Practice-Based Faith Can Save Us from Drowning by Aaron Niequist, 5/5 stars
Watergate: A New History by Garrett M. Graff, 5/5 stars
Cult Classic: A Novel, by Sloane Crosley, 4/5 stars
Tacky: Love Letters to the Worst Culture We Have to Offer by Rax King, 2/5 stars
Hello, Molly!: A Memoir by Molly Shannon, 3/5 stars
The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict, by Ken Sande 2/5 stars
Girl Walks Into a Bar…: Comedy Calamities, Dating Disasters, and a Midlife Miracle, by Rachel Dratch, 3/5 stars
The Sacred Pulse: How Overwhelmed Souls Can Tap Into Holy Rhythms, by April Fiet, 4/5 stars
Write for Your Life, by Anna Quindlen, 4/5 stars
Sacred Fire: A Vision for a Deeper Human and Christian Maturity, by Ronald Rolheiser, 3/5 stars
The Resilient Pastor: Leading Your Church in a Rapidly Changing World, by Glenn Packiam, 5/5 stars
Under the Unpredictable Plant an Exploration in Vocational Holiness (The Pastoral series, #3) by Eugene Peterson, 5/5 stars
The Making of Biblical Womanhood: How the Subjugation of Women Became Gospel Truth, by Beth Allison Barr, 4/5 stars
Tracy Flick Can’t Win: A Novel, by Tom Perrotta, 4/5 stars
Say Yes: Discover the Surprising Life Beyond the Death of a Dream, by Scott Erickson, 3/5 stars
Sinners Welcome, by Mary Karr, 4/5 stars
Deep & Wide: Creating Churches Unchurched People Love to Attend, by Andy Stanley, 2/5 stars (re-read)
The Church After Innovation: Questioning Our Obsession with Work, Creativity, and Entrepreneurship, by Andrew Root, 5/5 stars
I’ll Show Myself Out: Essays On Midlife And Motherhood, by Jessi Klein, 2/5 stars
How to Inhabit Time: Understanding the Past, Facing the Future, Living Faithfully Now, by James K.A. Smith, 3/5 stars
Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, by Gabrielle Zevin, 4/5 stars
Mrs. Fletcher, by Tom Perrotta, 3/5 stars
Praying Like Monks, Living Like Fools: An Invitation to the Wonder and Mystery of Prayer, by Tyler Staton, 4/5 stars
Desiring the Kingdom: Worship, Worldview, and Cultural Formation, by James K.A. Smith, 5/5 stars
How to Be an Artist, by Jerry Stalz, 3/5
Good and Beautiful and Kind: Becoming Whole in a Fractured World, by Rich Villodas, 3/5 stars
Surrender: 40 Songs, One Story, by Bono, 4/5 stars
Sage: A Man’s Guide Into His Second Passage, by Chris Bruno, 3/5 stars
Man’s Search for Meaning, by Victor Frankl, 4/5 stars
The Last Folk Hero: The Life and Myth of Bo Jackson, by Jeff Pearlman, 4/5 stars
The Truth About Lies and Lies About Truth, by David Takle, 3/5 stars
The Church of Baseball: The Making of Bull Durham: Home Runs, Bad Calls, Crazy Fights, Big Swings, and a Hit, by Ron Shelton, 4/5 stars
The Intentional Year: Simple Rhythms for Finding Freedom, Peace, and Purpose, by Glenn Packiam, 4/5 stars
A Vast Minority: Church and Mission in a Plural Culture, by Stuart Murray

Media I Consumed in 2022:

Practicing the Way, (podcast)
Severance, AppleTV
Murderville, Netflix
Dallas Stars Hockey, ESPN+
The Old Man, Season 1, Hulu
The Bear, Season 1, Hulu
Only Murders in the Building, Hulu, Season 2
Texas Rangers baseball, MLB Extra Innings
That 70’s Show, Laff TV (series reruns)
A Million Little Things, Season 4, ABC
Abbot Elementary, Season 1, ABC
My Next Guest Needs No Introduction with David Letterman, Season 4, Netflix
Normal Gossip (podcast), featuring Kelsey McKinney
So Much More: Creating Space for God (podcast), featuring Jodie Niznik
Practicing the Way (podcast) featuring John Mark Comer
Red Skies: Conversations About the Future of Our Church (podcast) featuring Missio Alliance authors

Thoughts on Creating Culture

Lemme begin with a quote from David Brooks in today’s New York Times article “What the Beatles Tell Us About Fame.”:

The greatest thing a society does is create its own culture. Each society creates a landscape of stories, symbols, assumptions, iconic artworks, prophets and meanings, and then we live within that landscape. We create our culture collectively, as a community. A culture doesn’t exist in a single mind, but in a network of minds.

And I’m thinking about how my tribe–practitioners in the Way of Jesus–does or does not “create a landscape” for culture. I mean, maybe we do in some ways. Maybe we don’t. That’s kind of where my brain is meandering today, so let’s dive in a bit.

See, I tend to think that Francis Schaeffer was correct in how “culture” shifts. You know, how a society might move from the clean-cut 1950s to the Woodstock 1960s or something like that. That’s a simple example so don’t read too much into that. My point is that the pendulum of culture morphs, and Schaeffer purported that–over a period of time–ideas flow from philosophers & academics, down to artists, to musicians and then to the general culture gets those ideas (which eventually will influence theology, but I want to stay away from that discussion here).

So, for example, take the Beatles. Lennon & McCartney started out with Love Me Do & I Wanna Hold Your Hand and influenced the culture in all sorts of ways from dance moves to hairstyles. Then, as their careers progressed, they were influenced by Eastern thinkers & artists–which influenced a culture shift in the late 1960s, right? Again, this is overly simplistic but. you get the point.

And now I think that Schaeffer is still correct with a few differences. First, that culture shift is MUCH faster now with mass communication that wasn’t available when he was writing in the early 70s. Second, I think that “artists” would include not only musicians but also filmmakers and video game designers–as well as writers–(all of whom are storytellers at heart) which has tremendous influence on general culture.

That said, I’m curious: From the quote above, what is the influence of the “network of minds” in those that follow in the Way of Jesus? How are we creating culture for the better? If we aren’t presently all that effective, what could we do to improve that influence?

Because I think out tribe should be doing that…right?