FloMo Primer

In case you missed it yesterday (and, likely, you did. Unless you happen to read Forbes magazine on-line. Which I don’t. But apparently Retrophisch does and alerted the local masses), our beloved Flower Mound has been named the #6 Best Place To Move in the United States.

That’s right.

We thumped burgeoning Frisco (#7), and I’m guessing it’s because we don’t have to pay the toll on 121 every single time we go in and out of our community.

We spanked Carrollton (#12), which is no real surprise because their only claim to fame is that they are the first city north of 635 and pretty much dominate when it comes to access to DART’s public transportation. I’m not sure what else they’ve got going because the only time I ever go there is actually when I’m going through there to get to downtown.

Plano (#25) rounded out the list. We all know that Plano has had all sorts of issues with the heroin thing, the steroids thing, and the cheerleader thing. Even the magazine hinted that Plano is no longer hip/with-it as now it’s a place that has no land for new stuff and the old-folks like to retire there, but not for young families.

And, yes, we’ll have to keep an eye out for the up-and-comers the magazine listed. Corinth is kind of cool but you gotta cross the bridge over Lake Lewisville, which is a hassle. Southlake is kinda happenin’ but for those that don’t live there it seems to have that Desperate Housewives thing going on–you know, where everything looks fine on the outside but something’s lurking around underneath the surface. Coppell is nice, too, but it seems hard for locals to pinpoint exactly where it is on a map.

And, so, for those that might read the magazine (which cracks me up because if you click on the link, it’s going to show you a photo of the actual “Flower Mound” which has been spruced up and protected even though it’s surrounded by retail. Nobody goes there except for the community sunrise service on Easter or to show folks that there actually is a flower mound, but you just drive by and point) and want to move here and get all excited about it…well, you should. It’s a nice place with nice people for the most part. Good churches. Good schools. The cops don’t have much to do except hassle the teenagers driving 10 m.p.h. over the speed limit or bust teenagers for curfew violations or loitering. If you’re asking me, well, there’s a reason that magazine has us #6. It is a nice place.

But there are a few things lurking in our own little burg that you might want to know about before you purchase the land:

Those orange barrels. Yeah. They’re temporary. And, by temporary, I mean two or three more years. See, there’s a lot of construction going on because we have to get those 66,000 people into the Shops at Highland Village much more quickly than we used to because there weren’t any Shops at Highland Village. But Highland Village put shops there before the infrastructure was ready and gets all the tax dollars and we have to get there. So, right now there’s a lot of construction. We absolutely cannot be bothered to drive all the way to Lewisville for our Wal-Mart, Old Navy or Barnes & Noble and we’re absolutely NOT going all the way to Grapevine Mills for our movie theatre. Our city council decided long ago we don’t want the tax revenue but we do want to spend tax dollars fixing the roads so we can get to the other cities getting the tax revenue. When you ask why this is, you’ll hear the words, “Master Plan.” Don’t ask. Nobody really knows.

We let Lifetime Fitness and The Shops at Highland Village babysit teenagers during the day and weekend evenings. Apparently, you can just drop the kids off there and let them run amok. It’s okay. We have the cops on full-time teen alert so they don’t get out of control…so, no worries there.

If somebody tells you that it’s near a strip mall that has a grocery store on one corner, with a Starbucks/Blockbuster in front of that, with a bank on the other corner near some fast-food joints…well…that’s every corner.

Over time, you will master the airport run. You will make deposits into the airport drop-off/pick-up account and then make withdrawals. They do balance out. You’ll learn to check web sites for terminal letters, gate numbers and baggage claim carrells. You’ll also be able to plan times if your pick-up checked luggage or didn’t. It’s an art form. All our residents are very good at this game.

If you hear the coach/director/advisor say that your child’s activity is “voluntary,” you’ll need to fudge the definition of “voluntary.” Oh, yeah. I forgot. Like Lake Wobegon, all our children are above average. WAY above average. They’re all actually in the Top 10% of their class. Not even kidding. Don’t believe me? Check all the minivan bumper stickers.

This is more Texan than specific to our community, but you’ll want to familiarize yourself with both Sonic Drive-Ins and Dr. Pepper products. Both are crucial to our community.

You might wonder why Flower Mound is building our second 10,000 seat football stadium. You won’t wonder once you live here for one football Friday night. It’ll become obvious…and, truth be told, they’ll both kinda galvanize our town.

You’ll have to make an effort to meet your neighbors. The architecture here is big on privacy fences and drive-in garages. There aren’t any front porches or chain-link fences that allow for spontaneous conversation and such. You have to spot the neighbor going to get the mail or walking their dog. Which is fine. Just gotta stay alert. We do have a version of front-porch, where parents take collapsable chairs to outdoor sports practices and sit and watch and gripe about the coach and why their above average–check that, WAY above average–kid isn’t getting enough playing time.

Our town lists 20 churches available in various denominations. If you have trouble finding one on the list that you like, drive by any public school on Saturday afternoon and there will be signs for a new start-up church meeting in most of their lunchrooms/auditoriums.

We have great parks for kids to play in. You’ll drive by them while you’re house hunting. What your realtor won’t tell you is that they can’t be used unless it’s during the school year. The rest of the time when kids are out of school it’s too hot.

One last piece of advice from me before I open it up to the patronage: Toe the line with your HOA. If you don’t know what that is, you will.

So, if you’re moving here because you read the article, that’s a few things the article didn’t tell you. What else do you FlowerPlexers have for the influx of new neighbors we’ll be getting?

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