Still Kinda Grinchin’

The scene: IHOP. 2499.

The event: Guy comes in with his two sons. Sits at a booth. Sons opposite side of said booth. Sits kids down, gives them crayons and the place mat with games and stuff on it. Proceeds to fire up his laptop. They quietly color and play while he works or checks e-mail or the box scores or whatever it was that he was doing on-line. Not one word of conversation.

Moral Dilemma: I wondered if I could give such a precise hip-check to the waitress (carrying a tray full of large orange juices to a birthday delegation) that, as she walked by his table, roughly a gallon of juice and milk would land only on his laptop.

Moral Dilemma II: I considered making a sash out of a grouping of napkins that would read “parent of the day” and awarding it to him in a small, hurried ceremony.

But I decided against both. I mean, it is the Christmas season, right?

Manalive if this Christmas season doesn’t become more Christmassy soon, I might have to go see Lucy at the “Psychiatric Help: 5 Cents” kiosk. In the meantime, I’m working on my new comic-book superhero who has the superpower of spotting bad parenting in others (but, as with all superpowers, it has a downside–in this case, blindness to his own moments).

…Able to spot moms putting in DVD’s for their kid’s 10-minute ride to soccer games!
…able to spy on entire families texting and chatting on the phone at the same restaurant!
…able to see parents bringing 8-year-olds and crying infants to R-rated movies at the theatre!

Maybe, just maybe, “The Doctor is IN.”