Answering The Moms
Yesterday, I asked the moms if they had questions to ask somebody who’d been in student ministry for 20 years…so, today I’ll answer them…
“Why won’t my kid sleep until 10am?” I don’t know, but I can assure you in 2023 they’ll be sleeping past 10am and you’ll be asking “Why won’t my kid drag her sorry carcass out of bed before 10am?”
“How do you know when it is time to step in when your kid has a disagreement/problem with another kid? If it’s happening at school, when do you go to the teacher/admin and how do you know when to let the kid deal with it on his/her own?” Well, usually, I’m of the opinion that it’s never time to “step in” when you kid has a problem with another kid. The reason is that, first of all, you know you’re only getting one side of the story. Second, these kids having problems will all grow up and have problems with kids/coaches/bosses/teachers each and every year of their lives. Hence, I try to make every situation like this a teachable moment to address the heart of my child. I ask them questions like, “How can you serve?” “How can you show the most love for that person?” “What does the Bible say about this?” You can’t control the actions of others, only guard your heart and allow your speech/conduct to be gracious and loving. So, I can’t think of a time to step in that would be more valuable than teaching my child how to deal with others. About getting the school involved, well, I try to let teachers teach and administrators administrate. I’d only get them involved if the situation became abusive in some way. And I’d certainly approach them with the idea that my child has much to work on as well. Something like, “My child says “x” is taking place, and I realize I’m only getting one side of the story. I was wondering if you could help us find the truth of the matter. Maybe investigate a little and tell me if my child is part of the cause and if we can help design a plan to either help them stop the problem or if there’s some other reason my child is saying “x” is happening.” Most parents go accusingly to teachers & administrators and they tend to start defensively. If you go in admitting that it’s possible your child is part of the problem and you want to help design a solution with the teacher/administrator, you’ll help them do their jobs better.
“How do I get my child to realize that at the end of softball season even though she says she doesn’t want to play again, she may mean that she is done playing until the next season starts up and she needs to clarify that.” Just ask her. Explain the consequences of her choices and ask her again. The third time you ask her, let her know that if she comes back and changes her mind, she might not get on the team or play a certain position and all that. Then, let her deal with it. Again, it isn’t about short-term stuff. It’s about long-term teaching. And it may be better for her to sit out the fall season and learn that what she says matters than it is about getting on the fall team.
“Is it true that some moms feel the need to live vicariously through the lives of their children? If so, why do you think that is?” I suppose it’s true that some moms feel the need. Not all. But I’m sure some do. Dads do this, too. I think it comes from the pain they experienced by them not living up to their potential in a certain area, and they don’t want the kids they love to be hurt like they were hurt. So, they try to push their children to excel so they might live up to some potential. We all had hopes, goals, visions and dreams when we were younger. When they crash, some people were hurt by that, and they do it out of what they think is love, keeping their children from that same pain.
“Why is it that your daughter drops off delicious dilicious cookies and treats and then when I eat them I get somewhat immidiatly addicted and then decide I will be frequenting her place of work to satisfy my new addiction. Why is this?” Profit margin. It’s like a Crack dealer. The first one is free, knowing you’ll be back.
Well, hope that helps out!