Barnum Reincarnated…And Barnum Was Right

Let me say up front that there are a lot of things I don’t understand.

Like when Jessica Simpson’s dad tells Dallas Cowboys’ quarterback Tony Romo (who’s on-and-off with Jessica) that he should dump his agent and let him handle his career. For the uninitiated, Tony Romo’s current agent got the quarterback who has only played for a year and a half and never won a playoff game $67 million dollars.

Like when Tiger Woods makes $121 million this year for golf. Granted, $22 million is in actual prize money, but some $100 million for endorsements? How golf makes any money at all is beyond me, much less that a player gets that much to endorse products. The popularity of golf is beyond me.

Next on the list is something called “Mixed Martial Arts.” From what I can gather, it’s streetfighting in something called an Octagon. It’s like boxing without all the stuff that keeps it safe…like 16 oz. gloves and points. The deal is to pound each other into submission. I can’t watch it at all…it’s really too brutal for me.

But this “sport” is the fastest growing sport in America today, about to pass NASCAR in earnings. Dallas Maverick billionaire owner Mark Cuban is creating a league to compete with the UFC. In other words, there is money to be made.

So, it’s another thing I don’t get, but the president of the UFC is named Dana White, and he’s a media darling because he speaks his mind and all that jazz. He contradicts himself, is highly controversial, and you don’t want to get on his bad side. In a recent interview he went off on some tangents and I’d like to share them with the patrons today. I mean, this stuff should get the conversation started:

First, on fear: The only thing I’m afraid of is sharks. As you as you [freaking] get in the ocean, you drop right to the bottom of the food chain. It freaks me out.

Second, on women: What I’ve learned from women is that they’re all [freaking] crazy. You find one that deals with your craziness and make the best. The grass is never greener.

Third, on literacy: I don’t read any books. Ever! Never, ever! If you write me an e-mail longer than three sentences, I won’t read that, either.

Fourth, on his critics: People who hate give you the reason to stick it up somebody’s [butt]–you do what they say you can’t do. You beat the [fecal matter] out of them with success.

Finally, on the meaning of life: Life’s [freaking] tough–you’ve got to make the most of it. I could say, ‘My dad wasn’t around, I have issues.’ No. Shut the [freak] up and do what you need to do.

Well, there you have it.

And, since I don’t want to get on his bad side, I’ll just say that I’m happy he’s able to make a quarter of a billion dollars every time there’s a pay-per-view fight.