I’m Not Their Target Audience, But It Wouldn’t Suck If I Were

Most people in FloMo tell people that our fair burg is “about 15 miles north of Dallas.” We glom on to Dallas, when the truth is that we’re equally as close to Fort Worth. No offense to the fair city of Fort Worth, but there’s something that seems more desirable to associate with Dallas.

Anyway, every now and then I’ll make an impluse buy at the grocery store checkout line and grab a copy of the most current issue of D Magazine. I consider it a little $4.50 donation to feel somewhat “with it” for about 10 minutes.

But it only takes a few moments for me to realize that I’m not at all their target audience.

There are ads for art and collectibles auctions.

Jewelers claiming to be the area’s finest designer jeweler.

An ad looking for 122 potential owners of luxury residential high-rise condos that will “transform, yet graciously complement” the Dallas skyline. I can’t afford to roll 1.2 million for 1,500 square feet to live here. Since when did our city compete with Manhattan in real estate costs?

There are socialites that go to parties and places that my circle of friends don’t really go to.

There are articles about millionaires who talk about “liquidity events” (where they cash-out of stocks to retire) and “investments of passion” (where they buy a $400,000 sports car there’s an 8-month waiting list for). Suffice to say that in my world a “liquidity event” is when my wife makes sweet tea and the last “investment of passion” we made was for a new air-conditioning unit the same month we re-did the bathrooms.

There are vacation destinations listed that I know I’ll never see except in these pictures.

There are financial planners I’ll never need.

To me, this is like looking at a hard-copy of that MTV show “Cribs.” In so many ways, it’s like a really good work of fiction…that it’s based in truth somewhere but can’t really be “real,” can it?

So, I started thinking about what FloMo Magazine might contain…

You know, social pages loaded with pictures of soccer moms with folding chairs watching practice.
The three-story high-rise new office complex.
The next guy that purchased a $35,000 Harley-Davidson with a whole bunch of leather clothes.
The best landscaping companies to use for your yard.
The big contribution to the “arts”: A new concession stand for band parents to man at the football field.

What else should we put in the next edition of FloMo Magazine?